There should be enough room for both the past and the present in our hearts. One tiny space to remember that part of our life that made us who we are right now and the bigger part reserved for the person we are in a relationship with. After all, what should really matter is that of the future that you would make together. But this seems to be one of the biggest argument that I am having with my partner right now.
I always get compared to the exes. Just because the jerk cheated, I’m always being doubted of cheating or playing around. Just because the jerk opted to play around, I always get accused of playing around.
The thing is, just because we can doesn’t mean we will. And just because some asshole did it in your past doesn’t mean that your current boyfriend too. We are all different, and no matter what social biases you believe in regarding men, not every single male specie in this planet cheats. Some do know the word commitment.
We lie at times, not because we have something to hide but because we don’t want to start an argument or just plain tired of trying to explain why we went to get a massage instead of spending time with you, specially when the only thing that comes to your mind when we say “massage” is that of a girl sliding naked on top of us. We need our alone time as well, a time to relax, a time to think, and a time to sort things out. Most of our time in the day are already spent taking tabs of what we are doing at work where everything is being monitored that’s why we also need our breathing space where we can just relax and not think about anything else in this world. It doesn’t automatically mean that we are out there trying to get laid.
The thing is, all these doubts come from the fact that you have been cheated before. Again, not every guy is the same. It would have been stupid if you went out with the same type of guy who broke your heart into pieces before. The main reason you broke up with the asshole is to find someone better, right? Then why are you treating us as if we are them?
New relationships should mean a clean slate. You start over, and no matter how hard it is to remove the biases that you have because of your past relationship, you should be able to at least give the new person the benefit of the doubt. If you don’t trust us, why go out with us anyway? Why be in a relationship with us? And if you think that we are just as bad as the last one, then why pick us? Why don’t you just go back to your exes and expect the same thing over and over again?
Everyone deserves a fresh start and no man would be there to make right what the other person mess up. We are not a continuation of that sappy old and crappy relationship that you had before. We should be considered as a new chapter and not an extension. Everyone deserves to be treated differently and fairly.
You have exes, we have ours, and it’s only bitchiness or being a total jerk to compare your current bf/gf to them. If they were so great, why did you break up with them? If they were so bad, then what’s with the comparison?
Relationships should never be a competition with your partner’s past relationships. You are in a relationship with the person you are with and that should be it. You give that person and yourself the chance to make it grow, to make it work, and to give both of you the ability to start from scratch no matter how shitty your so called “scratch” is.
Again, we are not your exes and no matter how good or how bad they have treated you before, we are not them, so don’t compare them to us. We are different and we have the right to make our own mark. No one wants to hear their partner say, “I love him because he was better than my ex” or something like that. We want you to love us because we are who we are and not because we are better than someone else.
There should be enough room for both the past and the present inside our hearts, but like everything in this world, they should be separate and not intertwined.