“Did it ever occur to you in all those years that I might just be making you jealous?”
I choked on my coffee after hearing you say those words. It’s been two years since we last saw each other and I might have been expecting a lot of questions about how my life have been but never that.
“Where did that come from?” I asked soon after I made sure that no coffee would start dripping from my nose. At least, that was one thing that never changed; you still surprise me.
“I was just wondering.” You said, smiling the way I remember you do.
I rolled my eyes before letting it settle on the coffee cup in front of me. Two years may just be a short time but a lot of things have happened in that time and we’ve lived those two years away from each other with no communication whatsoever. I don’t know if you ever asked about me but I tried not to ask about you. I guess our friends knew more than I was willing to admit that they refrain from talking about you when I was with them.
The last time I heard anything about you was when you came into my house in the middle of the night and told me that you were getting married. Fate must have been on my side that time since the day after that, I got a call from the film school in London telling me that I need to pack my things as soon as I can. A week after that, I was gone.
I didn’t tell a soul. I didn’t tell you. I just disappeared. I was a coward that way. After all the fake smiles, the congratulations and the “I’m so happy for you” that I’ve given you that night, I was sure that I can’t do anything more. The minute that you left, I just sat there, trying to catch my breath and holding back the tears. I can honestly say that I never cried for you. I almost did though. But as I have said, I was a coward. I didn’t even have the courage to cry for losing you.
I was actually surprised to see you earlier on the mall. I was half waiting for someone else to pop out beside you but no one ever did. I didn’t even try to look at your hands to check for a wedding ring. What was more surprising was you grabbing my hands and dragging me to the nearest coffee shop demanding that I have coffee with you. Even then, I tried not to look at your hands, or your face, or any part of you. If I can, I wanted to pretend that today never happened. It took me two years to move on. I can’t let myself go through the process again.
“So how’s the married thing going on?” I asked after a while.
“You are barking up the wrong tree.”
“You didn’t get married?”
“That has nothing to do with it.”
“For a smart person you can really be stupid.”
I just stared at you, confused on what you are trying to tell me. For some time, we both fell silent.
“Can I just ask one question?”
“How come you never asked who I was going to marry?”
Again, I went back to staring at my coffee. I didn’t have the courage to put a face on that one person who was taking you away from me that’s why I never asked. It didn’t even seem weird to me that you never mentioned who it was. I was actually thankful. I didn’t need the name or the face of the person to hate.
“Were you in love with me?”
“You said just one question.” I answered playing coy.
“I didn’t think you were planing on answering. I thought you would just run away again. Just answer the last one if you want.”
I knew that silence wasn’t going to work this time.
“Yes.” That one word took all the strength that I had. I was an inch
away from trembling.
I guess “wow” is in fact the most appropriate reaction to that.
“I guess I owe to tell you that I am really getting married this time around.” It’s been two years since I last heard you say those words yet the pain I felt at that same moment two years ago came rushing back like it just happened yesterday. I guess the plan of pretending that this day never happened would be totally useless.
“Congratulations then. I hope this one goes through.” I said, mastering whatever remaining courage I still have.
“That depends. Are you planning on running away again?”
That made me look at you for the first time.
“I at least need the time to ask you to marry me before you disappear again, if you are running away. Could you give me that this time around?”