You were trembling in front of me, not even looking into my eyes when you said those words. It was a little funny to be honest, you standing there, pouring your heart out and telling me that you are in love with me. I was taken aback, of course. In my mind, I was asking myself, what kind of idiot would confess to an almost naked man who hadn’t even had a shower in three days.
I haven’t even slept in those three days, trying to finish a manuscript that was due that day. Since my apartment didn’t really have its own bathroom inside, I went to the one aside for my unit outside. And I didn’t even realize that you were there until I reached for the bathroom door and touched your bag. You were putting something on the door which I couldn’t really see but based on the scent, I knew it was roses. Who gives roses to a guy these days anyway? You froze when you realize it was me. It didn’t prevent you from pouring your heart though.
But that was three years ago. I’m not even sure why I remember every single detail of that morning that much. Everything else after that was hazy and had seemed to have come from someone else’s life. You falling for me, me falling for you, us being together, all that just seems to be a life of some other person, not mine.
These days, I don’t even get to see you anymore. The two of you are always together, always looking so happy, always looking like the way you used to look back in the days. Part of me is really happy that you found what you have been looking for. The other parts though are always on the edge of wanting to rip you apart from each other. But I wasn’t that selfish, that’s actually the reason why we never worked out in the first place.
I never told you the reasons of course, because knowing you; you would have stayed with me. You were always the one saying that no matter who and what I am, you’d be there for me. I knew you would have, that’s why I had to be the one to break it up. I didn’t want to drag you down with me. My whole life was a mess and I didn’t have anything to offer you aside from the love I had that time, and even that wasn’t really that great.
“Stop thinking about me. You had your chance but you blew it.” I was pulled out of my reverie when I heard you voice. I didn’t even realize that you were in front of me, smiling, my latest manuscript in your hand. “Here’s the latest revisions. Can you make sure that this is done by Friday? I can’t ask for an extension anymore.”
I smiled back. How you ended up as my editor was a different kind of story. You did say that it was what you wanted to do before, but I never thought you’d be applying to the publishing house that handles my books.
You started walking away soon as you got the manuscript out of your hands. Normally, you would have stayed and bullied me to buy you something but today was different. You didn’t come alone, and by the looks of it, you may not be coming alone for a while.
I was about to start reading the corrections when you spoke again. “Can you please go on a date next time? It makes me feel like it’s my fault you’re not with anyone.” You said before walking out. I just smiled one more time.
I went back to looking at the manuscript. There wasn’t really much to change, just some slight changes at some point. I was about to toss it inside my bag when I got to the last page and read the note that you have written there.
“Instead of writing about me, you can just ask me out, you know. Three stories, really? All this time, I thought going out with other people wouldn’t work. You owe me ten years’ worth of dinner, asshole.”
I froze then smiled. And there I was, thinking all this time that you will never notice.