ESSAYS

Stranger from Once Upon a Time

I don’t really remember much on how it all began because the truth is, I don’t really remember much on how things were when she wasn’t a part of my life. Every day I wake up thinking that things had always been this way, that things should always be this way; the two of us together though I know that it’s not how things work. Life never had any real meaning before her, or at least that’s how I feel right now, even with all the things that are happening between the two of us. All I know is that once upon a time, I met someone who made me believe that there is a chance for a happily ever after, and I took that chance, come hell or high water.

But like every relationship, when the fire dies down and we started settling for what we get without really trying to make it better, we tend to get too comfortable that it comes to the point where we take each other for granted. We come to the realization that we already have each other and stopped working on keeping it that way. We began expecting that the other would adjust for us, for our mistakes, for our own misgivings, building our a one way street going nowhere.

The quarrels came more frequent, the doubts more pronounced, and the lies piled up like firewood soaked in gas waiting for the tiniest spark to set it afire.

After a fight that almost ended up in a breakup, she asked me if I’d miss her if we go our separate ways. I broke down. The idea of a life without her had never crossed my mind that her bringing that up was just too painful for me to bear. It instilled a fear in me, making me think that whatever I do, no matter how much I try, everything that we have worked hard for in the relationship would come crumbling down, one point in time. Every sacrifices started becoming more and more worthless, every adjustments in vain. Some people would take this in a more positive way but it wasn’t in our case. The cloud of doubt grew and at this very moment, we are just waiting for the pour of rain.

I didn’t answer if I’d miss her if we broke up because I didn’t want to think about losing her. I could easily tell her yes, I would, but I didn’t because I know that if I did, I’d end up with nothing but a box of things accumulated from where it all began and a closet full of memories and nothing more. But every story has to end, and ours seems to be on its final moments.

Looking back, I can still see why I have come to believe in the possibility of living my whole life with her or why simple things had been so magical for both of us back then. I love her and she loved me back, and in our own perfect world, that was all that really mattered. She sang of love before, captivating my heart, and never did I realize that the song can possibly be for someone else. And even now that the doubts have filled most of my heart, I still love her, and I still believe that she loves me.

But knowing that she loves me too is not enough anymore. Even a weed weakens when it gets stepped on a little too much.

We are at a point where we can choose to start as strangers again to be able to live a life together or just let it die. I have never been more confused in my life. I still can’t understand how my happily ever after had become a melodrama of arguments and painful silence. They say that with time you would get to know each other better and understand each other more but as it worked out, we are becoming more and more like strangers as time passes by. Did we change so much that we don’t even recognize each other anymore or did we stay the same, so much that we didn’t give our relationship a chance to grow?

I don’t know. All I can see now is that somewhere down the road, somebody stopped trying, someone learned how not to care anymore and that’s not something that you would not want in a relationship. When the butterflies in your stomach never flutter anymore, then it might be time for another try, or goodbye.

Somewhere in time I met a stranger who made me believe in a happily ever after even when all that we could ever have is a once upon a time.