POEMS

FIND ME

For days and nights I’ve been trying to keep it
Struggling with all these words, that’s for sure
I guess I just have to find some way around it
And maybe then you won’t walk out the door

I’m holding on to the things you promised
That little world we would make just for us
Right now it may seem to look like its useless
Always looking for you, from dawn until dusk

‘Cause you said, “Find me when I’m not around,
I know that you’d still see me when I am nowhere to be found
Take me back to where I’m supposed to be
I know I’ve crossed the line, but please, find me”

The sun goes down and the night comes crawling
Yet I’m still here, right where it all began
Half alive, half awake, just barely breathing
Just waiting in one corner with no other plan

But when the time comes that I ask you to stay
Tell me that you’d drop your bags right then
I’ll hold on until then, wipe all these tears away
I’ll wait as long as you say I would, as long as I can

Just please say, “Find me when I’m not around,
I know that you’d still see me when I am nowhere to be found
Take me back to where I’m supposed to be
I know I’ve crossed the line, but please, find me”

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NOT YOU

No, this is not love
Not even a drop of admiration
Not even a single tingling in my groin
You were just there at the right time
There at the right moment
You were just there when I was alone

No, this is not love
Not even that of plain liking
Not even that of carnal lust
But you kiss like I would drown
Those sweet cherry lips of yours
Yet, you just caught me when I had no one

No, this is not love
Not even a skip in my heartbeat
Not even a single sweat in my palm
Still, I got lost in your arms night after night
Under your gaze, longing and wild
Still, your body was just warm when I was cold

No, this is not love
Not for the million reasons to fall
Yet time and time again, you are here
And always, I can never say no
But still, I cannot allow this to be love
Not with you, never with you, please, not you
Not the one person I can’t bear to lose

IDIOT DIARIES

Forgive me, my heart, you shattered again
Scattered on the floor, blurry through the tears
You’re pieces that was never fixed broke like before
And the blame is all on me for sure
Forgive me, my heart, I never did know
That I’d hope and wish and dream as always
I thought you’d be strong enough this time
Strong enough to not break ever again
Forgive me, my heart, I was back to being foolish
Daydreaming of a life that I knew will never be
I have never learned, that’s just how everything seem now
And it’s you who keep getting the blow
Forgive me, my heart, for I cannot promise you
That a love that is true is out there, waiting, just waiting
More mistakes are to come, maybe until you’re really gone
And nothing is left but the empty shell where you once had been
Forgive me, my heart that I have learned to love
All I have brought you is pain, all those hurt, the misery
And in time, I will, yet again, like before, like right now
And all I can wish for is that you’d survive every blow somehow
Forgive me, my heart, forgive me
For patching you up, for keeping you beating
Just to drop you over and over again
Forgive me, my heart, you have to forgive
Because one day, we’ll be going through the same thing again
So forgive me, my heart, please forgive me
I hope you would learn to understand that this won’t be the last time

WHEN NEVER

I’ll drown it all down with a myriad of words
Between rhymes and patterns
Between metaphors and the likes

Or put it plainly, hiding everything on plain sight
In between fantasy and reason
That line between truth and lies

I’d laugh in the confusion of what if’s and what not’s
Fake it with a mask or a smile
It would be over soon enough

Cause this beating, this stirring that I feel within me
I’m not strong enough for this
Not now, not this soon, not for you

So don’t begrudge me if I fake it until it is all gone
Let me pretend, let me laugh
Even though you will never be mine

One last time, one last chance, one last one more time
Just until it’s over, until I grow strong
To face all the pain on my own

Don’t look into my eyes or try to see what I’m trying to hide
It’s not your burden to carry
Not your nightmare to face

It was my own misgiving, my own mistake to cope with
So don’t see through me
At least not until it’s gone without a trace

BETWEEN SOMETHING AND NOTHING

The musty smell of dust drenched by the rain
The strong scent of the beer that could drown any pain
A whiff of grease on the fried meat rolled in a ball
Alas, your lingering scent that is drowning it all

The sight of your smile and the pain in your eyes
Of those pink full lips that is covered with lies
Of those arms that would never hold me close
And those simple glance, if only I can have another dose

The warmth of your hand holding mine
Or how just your mere presence makes me feel fine
That irritating way that you play with my head
Making me beg for one more time, one last time, so bad

The words you speak getting right to my heart
All the confusing words you have told me from the start
And those soft whispers, those I didn’t want to hear
Pushing me to the brink, down to my deepest fear

The taste of your lips that I would never know
Or the sweet bite of affection that you never show
A tempting seduction, one of which I want to be free
Because I never really know what you want from me

To feel, to smell, to see, to hear, to touch
I’ve never wanted anything for myself this much
You’ve always what I’ve waited for, that I have known
But the love you can give was never for me to own

So I’m lost in my own oblivion, just hanging by a thread
Why have I ever let you mess with my heart and my head?
Too close to forget, just far enough so that I can never reach
I’m just a wood on the floor, a plank, a tile made of beech

BECAUSE YOU

You don’t dream of the stars when you’re wide awake
Or that of willful longing for a new day to break
You don’t get lost in the oblivion of your fancy dreams
Because always, always, reality is far harsher than it seems

You don’t close your eyes when you’re about to run
Towards a future almost bleak, when everything is almost gone
You have to keep them open, to see what’s real and true
For dreaming is for the dead, not for the living, not for me and you

But once in a while, someone would change the tides of time
When you least expected, when mediocrity is starting to feel fine
Someone, somewhere, would try to make your dreams come true
That you have to pinch yourself to see if it’s really happening to you

An opportunity? A way? Suddenly all the fantasies start to look real
The things you only hoped for, the things you never thought you’d feel
Are now just a step away, all you need is to reach a hand
For once the world is kind enough to actually give you a chance

One by one, all you hope for are turning real, no more castles in the air
When the only limit that you have is on how much you’d try to dare
And somehow, even when things doesn’t really feel so true
It will happen because someone started to believe in you

MRT

Maghihintay, pipila
Makikipag-unahan, magmumukhang tanga
Sisiksik, maiipit
Pero ganun talaga, kailangang ipilit
Mababalewala, masasaktan
Pero kailangang kumapit hanggang hangganan
Limang munuto, isang oras
Ilang buwan, ilang taon man ang magdaan
Maghihintay, mag-aabang
Para sa katiting na sandaling ikaw ay masilayan

Tricycle

Sa unang pagkakataon, hindi ako ang naghintay
Hindi ako ang sasabit para lang may makasabay
Ginto man ang kapalit, sa arkilang iniaalay
Pero pwede na rin, basta ako lang ang iyong sakay

Pero parang pelikula sa sine, masaya na masakit
Dahil alam ko namang magtatapos din ang bawat saglit
Kailangang bumaba, at ibang tao naman ang papalit
Kahit pa sabihin kong, “Pwede bang ako lang, ako na lang ulit”

Sasakay, mananaginip, pero darating sa pagpara
Parang kapeng walang asukal, gigisingin kang bigla
Isang panaginip hanggang dulo, pasahero lang pala
Ako lang naman ang nag-asam, parang tangang umaasa

Inkblots

Lilingon, titingin
Maghahanap ang mata
Ngingiti, tatawa
Kapag mata ay nagdaop na
Kukuha ng papel
Pagdudugtungin ang mga letra
Baka sakali lang
Na ikaw na ang nakatadhana

Sabi ko nga dati
Hindi totoo ang walang hanggan
Kaya dapat sulitin
Bawat pagkakataon, bawat minsan
Upang di man magsalubong
Ang ating pinili at tinahak na daan
Naging akin ka naman
Kahit na sabihing panandalian lang

Bawat tuldok ng tinta
Bawat kuwit at bawat salita
Bawat katagang bibitawan
Nawa’y pumasa sa iyong panlasa
Nagpapansin, nagpaparamdam
Kung pwede nga lang ay mangharana
Para lang makarating,
Para marinig, idinudulog na pagsinta

Kahit hindi magtugma
At tuluyan ding mabaon sa limot
Bawat salitang nasambit
Na binabalot ng pangamba at takot
Kung agad mang magwakas
O pagsinta man natin ay maudlot
Hayaang matuyo ang tinta
Habang umiiyak sa ilalim ng kumot

BUS

“May reserbasyon ka ba?”
Siyempre, sabi ko, “Wala”
Maghihintay ka ba na parang tanga
Kung sigurado ka na, di ba?

Sasakay at aasa na lang
Baka sakaling mayroon pang mauupuan
Baka sakali, baka pwede pa naman
Maisingit, makasiksik, kahit pa tumayo na lang

“Saan ka ba bababa?”
Masakit pero ganoon talaga
Hindi pa man nagsisimula
Itatanong na kung saan ka papara

Pero sige pa rin kahit mahirap
Ganyan ang buhay eh, minsan masaklap
Kumapit ka man, tatambling pa rin paharap
Sa bawat biglaang preno, sa walang kasiguruhang hinaharap

Sasabayan pa na malamig na dapyos ng hangin
Nagyayaya ng tulog na mahimbing
Paa’y ibabaluktot, mananaginip sa dilim
Sa loob ng isang kahong di mo alam kung saan ka dadalhin

Hindi mo mamamalayang tapos na ang paglalabakbay
Bugbog mong katawan, kailangan pa ring sumabay
Magpapaalam, aalis, mukhang ewang kakaway
Habang pinapanood ang iba namang sasakay

“Hanggang dito na lang po”
Sasabihin nila pagdating sa dulo
Kaya tatayo ka’t bababa, mapapakamot na lang sa ulo
Minsan hindi pa ibibigay kapiranggot na sukli mo